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I was an innocent toddler when I was constantly being reminded by some of my relatives to make my body look a certain way that people call "beautiful". That painful body and facial massages never did any good to me except for causing pain. I asked them why were they doing this and the responses were like "Tum aise me acchi nhi lagoge" (you won’t look beautiful like this) or "Aise koi pasand nhi karenge tumhe" (Nobody will like you this way). That's how I learned that some features of my body aren't good enough to be called beautiful. I also learned people associate beautiful people with positive feelings and thoughts about their character.
School Bullying Plays A Huge Part in Negative Body Image
Body image and mental health are closely linked; the positive and negative impacts of body image can affect mental health. Negative body image makes us feel unhappy and insecure about our appearance and in turn, leads to low self-esteem, trouble socializing, and even mental health issues.
In my kindergarten years, a really good friend of mine was being bullied and treated like an untouchable and I was wondering why. Later I learned that it was because she had a dark skin tone. I was told to stay away from her but our friendship would say no. But eventually, I kept on getting manipulated into believing that staying with her was like surrounding myself with negativity. I once asked my mom "Why is dark skin hated?" And all she said is that it doesn't look good. I had a familiar feeling about her response. Dark skin was never a flaw or bad to look at until then.
Growing up, I never expected to be treated unfairly for my appearance. Unfortunately, I have been bullied since elementary school for my physical features, including a wide, flat nose, small eyes, a "Chinese-looking" wide face, and chubby cheeks. People have suggested that I undergo plastic surgery. I never thought this would affect me to the psychological level that I started resenting people whose appearances were admired. Partly their appearances made their life easier.
Dancing has always been my passion. I remember working hard for my dance performance at the school's annual function where I was selected to be the lead dancer because of my talent. I was excited to showcase my hard work to the audience until I was sent back and replaced by a pretty girl who wasn't the lead dancer on the day of the performance. This sudden and unexpected turn of events left me feeling shattered. As I faced more discrimination I felt like my opportunities getting limited because of my appearance. This is how I learned that talents and hard work are always treated as commodities. This was the main reason why my parents never encouraged me to dance.
Visual Attributes Over Talent… WHY?
I always wondered why are we emphasizing visual attributes so much that we are overlooking other fundamental attributes. It's just widely causing body image issues. I know as humans, we're visual creatures, forming a lot of judgments based on what we see. But we are intelligent enough to differentiate between healthy varieties of appearances and abnormalities right? Otherwise, it's more like using our visual perception for the labels instead of benefiting health.
I get sometimes some people are mean for showing hatred towards my appearance because they're insecure about themselves and that's their way of coping. However, can they forever be satisfied with their look by doing this? I think the more they think about the looks the more insecure they feel. It becomes easier for them to base their worth entirely based on prettiness. I wish we all realized this sooner because our insecurities are being heavily capitalized on and shaped by marketing geniuses of media, clothing labels, makeup, and beauty products. No wonder this is the main reason for women objectification which is in itself a very problematic thing in our society.
Through my experiences, I have come to understand that personal well-being requires unconditional acceptance. While affirmations from those close to me were helpful, it was ultimately my recognition of this truth that led me to a happier life.
Role of Parents for Mental Well-being
I think parents must be aware of unnecessary glorification and romanticization of certain labels related to physical appearance leading to negative mental conditioning and their negative effects on their children. A child’s personality is shaped by both nature and nurture. While genetics lays the foundation, it is the nurturing environment and experiences that help develop and shape the personality. Love, support, and a positive environment are crucial in helping children thrive and reach their full potential. Through nurturing, children can develop essential skills such as empathy, resilience, self-confidence, self self-acceptance that come primarily with self-love. Nature provides the foundation, but nurturing shapes the masterpiece.
Making the world a better place is achievable if we prioritise nurturing. After all, prevention is better than cure. Imagine a world where everyone accepted each other unconditionally. No judgments, no biases, no prejudices. Just pure acceptance and love.
Let's celebrate the beauty of diversity and embrace our differences with open hearts and minds! Hopefully, there will be days when people can live and stay happier without having body image issues.
Consult a psychologist in Bangalore if you need mental health counselling or other related services.
