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Ever heard of the saying “A double-edged sword?" It often implies something that can have both favourable and unfavourable consequences. Emotions in the right context are the same way, but especially the idea of envy fits into the concept of a perfect "double-edged sword,” and most of us are unaware of this as it is one of the emotions that are unjustly criticised by social morals, even to the extent of being considered a sin in some faiths.
Synopsis
Envy Vs Jealousy
We often use these two interchangeably, while mostly we mean one thing. Jealousy pertains to a fear of losing something you already have to someone else. It often arises in relationships, when a person feels threatened by a third party who might take away their partner’s affection or attention. Jealousy focuses on protection and fear of loss.
Envy, on the other hand, occurs when you desire something that someone else has but you don't possess. It’s about wanting what another person has, whether it’s their success, possessions, talents, or qualities. Envy focuses on comparison and longing. So, oftentimes, we tend to describe envy while labelling it as jealousy.
Every story has two sides; as with any emotions we experience, the way we proactively deal with them determines the outcome. However, it can be tricky to reframe a debilitating feeling such as envy into a productive product. There is a way we can deal with such emotions: through a fun single-player game we can play!
Playing A Game of Puzzle-Detective
From an evolutionary and social standpoint, emotions we experience have a goal to accomplish, and that is exactly what we should take advantage of in this game. Detectives use minor clues in a scene and collect them to draw a pattern, connect the dots to see the bigger picture, and ultimately use that to lead them to the source/culprit.
There are simply 3 levels in this game:
Level 1: “Finding Clues”
Note down when you feel envious of someone; what about it specifically made you feel envious?
Level 2: “Questioning the WHY”
The next level encompasses the detective work, where you lead yourself with the clues noted down to your source. For example, if you feel envious of your friend for getting into a top-ranking university, it could be rooted down to the fact that you are envious of their intelligence. Why? Maybe you have an inferiority complex and uncertainty surrounding your own intelligence.
Level 3: “Resolving the Cause”
Once you have narrowed down the root issue, then the easier part comes. If we look into the previous example, there are many ways to prove yourself otherwise: You can use previous memories where you excelled at something, or you can use it as a motivator to work on your academics and improve your intellectual performance! As with all emotions, envy is also fleeting, so once you find a reason to believe in yourself, the processing part comes naturally.
Case study: Jealousy as a strong motivator
I had a client who experienced the flipside of envy, which ultimately destroyed her relationship as she was often unhappy with her partner’s job and pay. This translated into passive aggressiveness towards her husband, her dissatisfaction with her job increased, and her work ethics declined. This was a result of her letting envy manipulate her and not converting its negative energy to good use.
We worked together several sessions to rule out her primary concerns, which boiled down to having a turbulent childhood where she was constantly compared with her siblings and developed an inferiority complex among peers and colleagues later in life, where she unreasonably measured success with the amount of pay of one’s job.
We played something similar to the game mentioned and eventually used her envy as fuel for her to work on her skills while learning new hobbies and finding satisfaction in other life aspects. This motivator ended up upskilling her skillset, making her eligible for a better job. Her strong envy essentially helped in reshaping her ideals and eventually, her life as well.
Conclusion
There is an underlying process that determines if you want to let the said emotion make or break you. What most fail to realize is that the battle is not between you and the object of your envy but rather the source of it; it's you versus yourself. With the help of a strong guiding individual such as a trusted friend or a professional, you can turn the tides to your aid!
If you're struggling with envy, seeking professional support can help.
Book a consultation with a psychologist today!
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